To you, i will always return
by DanielaRossi
Summary: "I'm not scared to go, you know. I just don't want her to be lonely. Yeah she has her family and friends and all, but in the end she'll always call my name. I only wish there was a way to make it back to her one day". Jason sighed, as Simon sat beside him onto the hospital bed.
1. Chapter 1

"We have your results back, Mr. Block. The white count is extremely low and…"

"I know what it means. What stage is it?"

"Second. But I firmly believe we caught it in time. I recommend you undergo this new treatment, it's just been approved, and hopefully it won't come back again…"

I've been driving around aimlessly for hours. Or at least that's how it seems to me. It's fairly bizarre how you lose track of time just when you're about to run out of it. I'm not scared. I know I should probably be, and pretty much at that, but right now I can't bring myself to think about anything else other than the end of this road. I can't recall whether I should take a left or a right here, or where it'd lead me to at all, and I'm trying hard to give a flying crap about it.

I wish I'd never have to let go of this steering wheel I'm holding onto for dear life.

I wish I could keep driving all over Australia until a freaking apocalypse struck us all.

I wish my phone stopped ringing and she'd just go to bed already.

I wish she just accepted the fact that I'm not coming home tonight.

I don't want to be with her now.

I don't want to sit on the couch trying to comfort her even if it should be the around way around.

I don't want her to go and put up that cocky façade I could always see through anyway.

I don't want to have to pretend to be asleep so she can cry her guts out in the corner of the room and I don't want her to kiss my nape to wake me up in the morning.

I just don't want any of that. But most of all I don't want her to be alone. I don't want her to sleep on the couch because it'll take months for her to bring herself to sleep in our bed without me.

I'll be coming home at dawn.

I'm really coming home.

I flick the door open and drop my car keys on the small wooden table in the foyer. It's all about repeating the same little tasks everyday and being glad to be able to do so, and if you get good at fooling yourself you can also believe you can do all of it in slow motion.

It's 5 A.M. and she shouldn't be up, but I can hear footsteps coming towards me from the kitchen. The sun is just about rising and little light beams through the window panes, still I can clearly see her slim figure angrily approaching me.

I think this must be the point where I should say "it finally hit me". Well, actually I guess it dawned on me, both literally and metaphorically.

I think I never took the chance to realize how Charlie herself has changed in these last few months. I used to spend hours by the mirror looking for more bald patches on my skull or bruises on my chest, worriedly staring at the dark red circles around my eyes, while I never really even had a glance at her.

Her eyes are no longer ocean bright blue but more greyer than how I thought I remembered them. Her soft skin that used to set all my nights on fire is now almost as pale as mine and her collar and hip bones are clearly visible beneath it. I can tell she's trying so hard to speak but she's just shaking uncontrollably and her bony wrists are held high right on her temples, as if she was trying to fight off the urge to pull at her hair. If I hadn't known any better, I'd say she was the sick one.

It's just been a few hours since I last kissed those pouty trembling lips but I feel like a whole decade went by and I didn't even notice. How can it be, that I just came home to a stranger?

She's just a poor woman ten years older than her formal age, and no longer the bright little girl I married a couple of months ago.

And it's me. It's me doing this to her, and therefore she can't even bring herself to touch me.

If I was given the chance to, I'd kill myself on the spot right now. Before this horrendous sight does. I had come to terms with all the pain I might have been going to go through long ago, but not even once had I pictured it being as defeating as seeing her in such a state. I'd give the very remains of pounding life in my veins to see her smiling at me right now and greeting me home as usual.

"Where have you been…" her voice is merely a husky whisper.

I really don't know what to say. We were probably the only couple in the world to never experience embarrassing silences, but I assume this must one of those. The thing is, I don't know where I was. It's a miracle I managed to find my way home at last. And I've never been one to be granted a miracle so far, as one can see.

"Charchar, please, babe, I…"

"Screw it! I'm in no freaking Charchar mood right now! And spare me the crap saying you were at work because I called your father at midnight and he said you left at 5 because apparently you were taking me to dinner! Now how sweet of you!"

Well, her temper is still the same, at least. I used to think she was so sexy when she was screaming at me and I'd love to go back to the days where it'd only take a heated kiss to shut down her anger and end up making love on the floor for hours.

"I called everybody, and guess what, you were the only one that constantly refused to pick up my damn calls! Nobody had a clue to where you were and the hospital receptionist said doctor Jenkins had no patient checked in. I was just so fucking scared, thinking you had got in an accident or just fallen unconscious and hit your head in the middle of nowhere. And I just… Oh my gosh, it's five in the morning, Jase! Jase! Listen to me!"

"I'm in no remission."

I don't know how I got the strength to say that, but I did and it hurt even more than having it said to me by Mr. Jenkins. It feels like falling down a waterfall and feeling ice cold water filling your lungs before you even hit the bottom. But most of all, it feels like seeing her break down in front of me for the very first time.

"Wh… what?"

"I'm not in remission. And I'm just too weak to undergo another cycle of chemo or any other treatment. I'm just too far gone."

"No. Please…" before I can even say anything she's falling on her knees slightly shaking her head. I thought I was never going to live to see the day she'd actually let herself cry in front of me. But there she is, curled up on the floor with tears streaming down those soft cheeks. She's blankly staring at my legs as I kneel beside her and try to reach out for her.

"How much."

My eyelids slowly shut down. That's just so like her. Straight to the point.

"They don't really know for sure. Dr. Jenkins said it shouldn't be more than six months, maybe seven if I was to be put on maintaining therapy, which I don't really want actually. I'm done with hospitals and treatments and all that crap. All that suffering was just pointless. I'm gonna do it my way now."

"Pointless? Pointless? Is that what you think? It gave us one more years to be together. And now please spare me that sappy part about how you'll always be with me and watch over me because I'm not buying that!"

She stood up and now she's facing the door and I can tell she's fighting the urge to punch it hard. I'm just so sick of this. All I know is that I've been going through chemo-due puking and pain for a whole year, and it did me no good. All I know is that I'm 22 and dying and my beloved wife just can't help going hysterical on me right now.

"Well, ok, then I don't believe that either! Now the thought of my flesh and bones just slowly being devoured by worms is a much better comfort than that, isn't it? Me just disappearing…"

She raises her hand as if to stop my violent stream of empty words. "I love you, Jase. I know I don't say it aloud that often, but I really do. And very much at that, too. So please, please, don't leave me." Her voice is barely a whisper and I just keep staring at her back, not knowing what to say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: Hey guys, sorry, this is going to be just an author note. Since this fandom is kind of dying out, I was surprised to see I got more than 20 views for the first chapter of this fic, but since I'm getting kind of busy working on my other story for LwD, I just basically wanted to ask you if you guys like this one too and want me to keep updating it, and if you're still interested in the plot. I began writing chapter number two and it's supposed to be about Jason reminiscing about how he and Charlie got together, starting from where the SOC series had left off and leading up to the events of the first chapter. Lemme know what you guys think, if you want me to continue updating, all you got to do is review Thanks! ^_^**

**xoxo 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note: Alright, guys, so the next few chapters will focus on Jason recalling how he and Charlie got together, starting from where the series had left off up to the events of the first chapter. I'm so sorry for my English but I'm Italian, so writing in a language that is not mine is really hard for me… but anyways, here we go.**

Truth to be told, Krystal was a stunning Cinderella with that blue dress and her bare thighs dancing their way across the stage. My hormones were raging like crazy when I was 14, and honestly I did feel my legs give out a few times when she was singing with me towards the end of the musical. Back then I had never really contemplated the idea of letting myself be somewhat messed up by any girl and I was seriously proud for I what I considered to be my moral integrity. Simon and Declan, on the other hand, didn't have that much of a self-control and basically ended up drooling like crazy anytime Krystal would glance their way. It just looked all plain dumb and pathetic to me at the time.

Indeed, despite my countless efforts to deny it, my two best buddies were sort of growing up faster than me in that sense. First of all, they were actually starting to get the idea that girls may not always mean trouble, and plus, they were also starting to _look _at them. As something more than just some stupid chicks to pull random pranks on.

The two of them wouldn't even submit to my authority anymore. Whenever I would shut them up after they'd make a nice comment on any girl from the SOC, they'd just wait for me to cool off a bit before they'd get back to the topic I hated so much.

Well, honestly, it's not like I had no interest in the female world at all. It's just that the focus of said interest was still the same from when I was 4 and only knew as many words as 'sleep' and 'I love you Charlie'. In fact, now I can honestly say that I knew that girl was going to be the end of me from as soon as she first came into my life: my mom has a picture of that day. Being college roommates and eventually neighbors, she and Charlie's mother had always been best friends, so when Jackie gave birth to her daughter my Mom rushed to the hospital tagging me along. So basically Charlie's Dad ended up taking a picture of my one year old self worryingly looking at the crib where she was sleeping. Ah, little did I know...

One of the very first memories I have shared with her dates back to when my mom's Dad, who would be my Grandpa, died from Alzheimer disease. I was only 6 and I remember being so freaking scared. I had no idea of what to expect from a funeral, and maybe I didn't even know what a funeral was exactly. So just like I would always do anytime I was scared, I just hid out in the tree house Charlie's Dad had built up for us. She finally found me up there after a while, and joined in, sitting beside me on the wooden surface that was supposed to be the floor of our 'mansion'. I recall she looked up to me with the biggest blue eyes a kid could've possibly imagined and asked me what was wrong with my Gramps.

"He was so sick he couldn't even remember anything. That's what Dad told me". I simply said. Although I'm pretty sure I was too little to really understand the full gravity of the disease, I was still feeling so sad for the poor old man that had passed away, deprived of his own memories.

"That's not possible. You can't forget things you love. Jasey, don't be sad. I'm sure your Gramps could never forget about you."

"What if I end up sick? What if I end up forgetting about my Mommy? About you?"

She leaned in and kissed my cheek. It was normal back then, we were 6 _and_ best buddies who would even take their baths together. But that day it did feel kind of special, I know for sure.

"Jasey, you're my bestest, bestest friend. We can't forget about each other."

I'm 22 now and I have a metastasis the size of my thumb in my skull. As soon as it was detected, my oncologist, who's always been a very blunt person, told me that I'm more likely to have major memory problems as the cancer grows.

Charlie is lying in my arms right now and I have her blonde hair spread everywhere across my chest, and heaven knows how much I'd love for it to be the only thing spreading in that area. In the corner of my eye I can see her hand resting limp in the crook of my neck, her fingers still loosely entangled in my hair. She's tired. I can tell she's awake even though she's trying her best to sound fast asleep. I know her, she must be still playing what I told her earlier all over again in her head for the umpteenth time, as I can feel her body tense onto mine from time to time.

The dawn is breaking. The scent of the eucalyptuses outside the house is overwhelming and the waves are crashing gently against the shore. I wish she'd open her eyes to see all this beauty.

I want to remember this. I want to remember getting the chance to see such a marvelous sight with my gorgeous wife in my arms. I want to remember every single time I made love to her. I want to remember every time we fought as teens and every time I tried to deny how much I've always needed her.

Maybe if I want it really hard, like I do... well, maybe I won't forget any of those things.


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: Hey, guys, please, review, you'd make my day! Lemme know what you think of this…**

When we got locked in that old creepy orphanage, I had a really hard time pretending I wasn't secretly enjoying spending some time alone with Charlie. It hadn't been just the two of us since ages and it did feel good to be able to talk to her without having Maddie or Jess or any of the girls involved in the conversation.

Like I said, when I was 14 I wasn't really that much of a skirt chasing cad, and I sure wasn't really interested in girls either. Most of the time I would just ignore any of them, but with Charlie's friends it was a whole different story. It was plain war. I felt as if making their lives living hell was the purpose of my existence: I actually was damn good at that and plus you can't expect a kid not to make fun of a bunch of squealing chicks that would refer to themselves as The Sleepover Club.

The thing is, back then all I knew was that ever since Maddie Lee got into the picture, I simply got kicked out of Charlie's life. When we got to first grade we were still like peas and carrots, and at one point the teacher gave up trying to separate us, seeing as Charlie would just never let go of my hand. Beside the fact than I was one year older than her, I knew she looked up to me because she was so damn scared of everything. I could tell she didn't like school at first. If it had been for her, we would've spent our whole life together in our tree house. Indeed, little Charlotte Marie Anderson wasn't really that much of a social kid when she was 6. She'd constantly hide behind her messy blonde curls and her eyes would always be downcast whenever anybody else other than her family and mine would be around, let alone in a class full of kids that did know how to be mean even at such a young age. I could tell they really got to her. I can't really remember what they would tease her for exactly, but I think it was mostly because she was always quiet and would stick to me like glue. I myself did try my best every single time when it came to protecting her from those spoiled brats but I knew I was only making it worse. The more I tried to defend her, the more they would tease us for looking like a couple. You know, the whole "Jason and Charlie, sitting in a tree…" kind of thing.

Then one day I was trying to comfort her as she was crying because those kids wouldn't leave us alone, and that was when Maddie popped up out of nowhere and apologized to her for being so mean. Now, Maddie was one of the cool kids that would pick on us, so it kind of came as a shock for both me and Charlie to see her actually being sorry for everything. Next thing I knew, the adorable little girl that used to be my best friend was simply taken away from me. With Maddie as her new playmate, Charlie's social skills boosted. When you're 7, girls only have girl friends and boys only have male friends so we were kind of bound to go different ways. I never had that much trouble as she used to in approaching new people, so I just made friends with Simon and Declan. Simon had the brains, Declan had… well, I still have to figure out what Declan had exactly but still, we soon became a trio. Yeah, I was the leader, not really much of an equal friendship as it used to be back then.

By the time we hit 6th grade, Charlie was in charge of the infamous Sleepover Club and I thought I was the only one that seemed to care about how those new friends Maddie had introduced her to had changed her. Charlie would just keep ignoring me all the time as she'd be always so busy with the squealing chicks and their hideous sleeping bags. We weren't friends anymore, but we still used to be somewhat civil to each other: we were neighbors after all and my Mom still loved her probably more than she loved me. But when Mr Webster married Simon's Mom, everything just went down the drain as Brooke officially declared war on her new stepbrother, who also happened to be my best friend. Charlie sided with the rest of the girls and I was left to play the part of the most annoying Blockhead ever, as they would call me. By that time, she had learned to act like she couldn't even stand me anymore. Well, I have to say that I was really doing my best to get all those girls to lose their temper every second: water bombs, sabotaging… anything I could come up with to upset them. And that's how we officially became enemies for life.

Well, it didn't last that long, of course. Just up until that day at the orphanage. That morning I had ruined her presentation in any possible way, and at one point when she told me I was the most annoying person in the world I could really only see hatred in her eyes. Yet, a few hours later, I wasn't that surprised to see she actually helped me when I got stuck in the window instead of leaving right away and saving her butt.

When we found out we'd been locked inside the room, I just felt like laughing my eyes out. Out of all the chances I could've had to finally be alone with her, it just had to happen in such a bizarre way. And with her being incredibly mad at me too.

I don't know why I decided I would've played along. Acting like my cocky, arrogant self as usual. Until I basically started freaking out. And it was _definitely _not because I was afraid of the dark - I don't even know how she came up with such an idea, I got over that phase by the time I was 7… - I was simply fearing what was to come next if we would've been left to spend the whole night together: some serious talking, for crying out loud.

I don't do emotions. At least, I don't like handling them 'cause I'm not really that good at that. At least, not verbally. I draw, instead. Ever since I can remember, if I wanted to say something that would actually involve my feelings, I would just draw it. Sketching is my own thing. I can live a week without food but not a single day without a pencil in my hand. And ever since I first held one, I've drawn Charlie countless portraits. Sketching her features was just what I'd do best. But unfortunately, I didn't even have a paper there at the orphanage and I wasn't exactly ready to _discuss_ the fact that I still had tons of drawings that would just depict her, in my room.

Once again she knew how to calm me down. The roaring thing she came up with… pure genius.


End file.
